Roland Emmerich, Please Stop. By Kyle Johannessen

So. Roland Emmerich is going to remake Stargate. Which he originally made. He’s going to remake his own movie. Isn't that special? To be fair, he’s not the first person to do this. Hell, great directors have done it in the past. Michael Mann (Heat was originally a made for TV movie), Cecil B. DeMille (Ten Commandments), even Alfred Hitchcock (The Man Who Knew Too Much) remade his own film. So why does it bother me so much that Roland Emmerich is doing it? Because he isn't even in the same league as any of these guys.

He’s incapable of making a film where the White House doesn't get destroyed or is at least implied that it is destroyed.  Hell the only reason that it wasn't destroyed in The Patriot (the only movie of his I actually enjoy) is because the damn thing hadn't been built yet. The same goes for 10,000 BC and Anonymous. And if they hadn't beaten the aliens in Stargate, I'm sure they would have blown up the White House. (So..that's like half his movies. -Ed) Hell, I seriously thought him making White House Down was him just making fun of himself. But Anonymous is actually where I'm going to start my burning of Roland Emmerich.

 The reason why, in my not so humble opinion, that Roland is going back to the well and remaking Stargate, not to mention making sequels to Independence Day, is because Anonymous flopped. Flopped bad. Because it was bad. Which is a shame, because it was an interesting idea,”Hey, let’s explore the theory that Shakespeare didn’t actually write his plays!” Why, Roland, that is a splendid idea! We can have some political intrigue and mystery and maybe some rivalry! “No, we’re gonna tell you he didn’t write them in the first five minutes.” BAD ROLAND! BAD!

 It was his first foray into dramatic filmmaking and it was bad. What do actors and filmmakers do when they try something new and fail? They go back to the well and fade away. Unless you’re M. Night Shamylan, who desperately needs to go back to the well. But that’s neither here nor there. Roland tried to pretend that he was a serious filmmaker and couldn’t handle it, so he’s running back to what he was good at, high concept action. Gutless.

This is a man who couldn’t make a good Godzilla movie. The Master of Disaster couldn’t make a decent movie about a giant lizard stomping around New York. Probably because the White House isn’t in New York. (Oh hey, another one. -Ed) Not that facts like that matter to Roland. Did you know that Wholly Mammoths built the pyramids?!* (*10,000 BC) I know one needs to suspend disbelief when seeing films of this nature but even five year olds know that a wholly mammoth wouldn’t be able to live in a desert, Roland! Would it kill you to hire a science advisor for ONE of your movies?!

 

I mean. Stargate was an alright movie. It was a good enough concept to spawn a whole lot of decent TV shows (Atlantis was dumb and you all know it.) (Shut up, Kyle. -Ed) And yeah, it’s been nearly 20 years since it came out. Yes, feel old. But have your really tapped yourself out creatively so much, Roland, that you have to go back that far to find success? Are there no more original ideas floating around in your brain? Or are you so distracted by visions blowing up the White House that you just can’t think straight anymore? Or, have you filmed the White House blowing up so much that you’re now on a NSA watch list and you have to redeem yourself? Whatever it is, Roland, you should figure it out. Because if all we can look forward to from you is more Stargates and Independences Days, then I think you’d be better off retiring.  I mean, the last movie with Forever as a subtitle was pretty god awful, (I’m looking at you, Batman Forever).

Oh well, at least we’re going to get a good Godzilla movie now. What’s that? David S. Goyer wrote it? …

FUCK!

A Study in Elementary, by Jon Cain

           I approach this article like I do a known adversary.  Should I dispatch thee with haste? Or shall I banter a bit with it. Taunting it to no end of rage like a cat would a door mouse. Explaining its verbiage sentence structure and very essence of its meaning to the masses.  I feel that latter of the two would be the best possible fate for this article. For if it is dispatched with haste surely upon deaf ears and blind eyes it would fall. Nay I shall not let this happen to this publication of such potential prowess. The masses must know about thee,  A Study in Elementary. 

            Okay my homage to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle now firmly behind me. I as many of you know have been helping my wife recovery from surgery. On one of the days were nothing was on TV, and we came across the show “Elementary” staring Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu.  I was quite surprised when I realized this was a modern take on my favorite detective of all time, Sherlock Holmes. In the beginning I approached this show with a bit of trepidation. I am a very big Sherlock fan and tend to stay away from things that are not Doyle cannon. I mean, in my humble opinion, Holmes is a character that is often intimated and very rarely duplicated. I am hard pressed to find a better detective in literature anywhere. He seems so simple yet so complex, and you as a reader want inside his mind – however, when we get a glimpse of it, we turn away. He is brash and cold even to his closest ally. He cares for nothing other then solving the puzzle. He pushes the envelope with addiction and madness -sometimes crossing the proverbial line. You have no idea the steps the villain or criminal will do to stop him, but you are equally unsure of the lines Holmes is willing to cross to do the same. To say that that the stories are masterpieces is an understatement. They are in my opinion the greatest literary work off all time.

 

            Elementary starts with Watson played by Lucy Liu. This former surgeon turned sober companion was hired by Holmes’s father, to help him post-rehab. Now to clarify when A Study In Scarlet, the novel that introduced Sherlock Holmes and Doctor John Watson, was introduced, use of drugs like morphing and cocaine was common place. This was due to the believed medicinal properties of the drugs. It wasn't until later the concept of addiction was formed. So to deal with this the show paired a now clean Sherlock Holmes with a sober companion in Watson. They explain this by saying Holmes's father will let him stay in the Brownstone only if he stays clean. Well in the original Doyle story the pair were brought together as stranger roommates introduced through a mutual acquaintance. They agree to go halves on lodgings due to neither one being able to afford it on there own. Much to my dismay in Elementary the Brownstone's street address is not 221b Bakers St.  

 

            There’s the similarities in the introductions of the original stories and Elementary. New let’s talk about the differences. In the novels you find Watson is a solder in British Army. He joined the British forces in India and saw action in The Second Anglo Afghan War. He was wounded in the Battle of Maiwand taking a bullet in the shoulder.  He came down with Typhoid fever and was sent back to London. He was a bit frail and bit week. However the way he was written you knew that in no time he would be back up to par. He seemed genuinely interested in Holmes work from the beginning. There was very little questioning of Holmes's knowledge but more a respect of it. 

            In the show I must admit Watson is kind of bland compared to the book. She is a former surgeon who left medicine. She becomes a sober companion for what seems to be like a type of penitence, even though she claims it is her unaffected choice. She constantly questions Holmes in both sobriety and knowledge. She shows very little interest in being a detective, although she eventually comes around to the idea. To her credit, she is the reason from quite a few of Sherlock's eureka moments. Even though the show Watson doesn’t stick to her novel counterpart she is still enjoyable and I look foreword of things to come from Dr. Joan Watson.

 

            Now lets talk about Sherlock Holmes. To describe this man is like trying to nail Jello to a wall. Doyle wrote the worlds greatest detective to also to be one of literature’s greatest enigmas. Minus his physical appearances, and a few other things, the man and his wealth of knowledge and or mind set is up for interpretation. He walks the razors edge between sanity and insanity. His calm nature could be ever so quickly dwarfed by his almost manic outbursts. The man will be a social butterfly and then go days without speaking. His tall slender body deceptively hides his strength. He has been referred to as quite the pugilist. His mind is a steel trap built only for knowledge that he feels will aide him as the worlds greatest detective.

            How does Miller stack up as Holmes? Well much to my surprise, very well. When I see him I have no trouble believing he is a modern imagining of the classic character. His tones, body language, and facial expression scream Sherlock Holmes. His performance is done so well you are wiling to suspend disbelief. He has the grizzled look of a former addict. His face speaks of the hardship and pain of the underside of life. He physically looks powerful and you have no doubt that he can defend himself quite well. Miller being from England doesn’t really have to stretch to pull a British accent. To me the idea that the same guy from Hackers could be Holmes was funny to me at first. To say I was pleasantly surprised was a huge understatement. When he referrers to himself as Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective with the NYPD, I have no trouble believing it. This is the best Sherlock Holmes I have scene in a number of years. This is the first time I have seen a great one that is an American attempt. The way the pair him with Watson is even a treat to watch. You really feel like you are a fly on the wall watching the best detective duo ever.   Never have I being a Sherlock Holmes fan been more convinced that this work of fiction had been brought to life.  

            Well there you folks have it. The show Elementary is worth a watch. You will enjoy it even if you’re not a Holmes fan. Or even if you’re a die hard fan such as me. The characters are hashed out well and feel fresh and rejuvenated. However they also feel like old friends with whom you whiled away the hour.. People who read the books will see elements strung through out the show. Those who have not it encourages to read the books and find the hidden meanings. No matter how you stack it is an amazing program and I hope it is around form many years to come. Television needs many more quality shows like this. If your thinking about checking it out you should. Season two begins September 26, on CBS, 10/9c.           

How the League of Legends World Championship Helped Me Understand Sports. by Mike Fatum

Let's start this out with a simple admission: I'm not one of those geeks who hates sports. I hate the culture around them sometimes, but I've definitely gotten into a good game of football before. I don't watch it regularly, but I tune in every year for the Superbowl, or if one of my two teams (The Pats and the Niners, thankyouverymuch) are doing well. This technically makes me the Lowest of the Sports Fans, the Bandwagon Jumper, but that's another article for another time. The point is, while I don't find it as interesting as a lot of my friends do, I definitely don't think sports are worthless.

Still, whenever I'm confronted with the image of just sitting on a couch for an entire weekend and watching a sporting event, I've never seen the appeal. There's not enough going on to support my interest. And worst of all, the events always drag out with endless commentators, and worst of all - analyst desks. I hate analyst desks during the Superbowl, because they just seem to me to be a waste of time. Who cares what play was performed when or what this particular guy's score is? Just show me the dudes throwing the ball so I can get excited.

This weekend, that all changed. And it changed because of a video game.

This is, like, a tenth of the characters in this game.

In case the rock you're living under doesn't have internet access, League of Legends is a Multiplayer Online Battle Arena, or MOBA. It was (I believe) the second one in existence, after the original Defense of the Ancients, a mod for Warcraft III. MOBAs are a child of RTS games - instead of having control over an entire army, you have control over a single character who can destroy an entire army. There are two teams of equal size, and both are trying to invade the enemy base and destroy their Thing (I'm unspecific, because the Thing is named something different in every game. Don't call it a Nexus if you're playing DOTA2.) Along the way, the teams have to contend with random monsters, enemy defenses, and of course, the other players. If you're very good, you never get into a fight with an enemy unless you know you can win. If you're me, you get ambushed by enemies every time you turn around and die more times than Rory Williams.

LoL really started the MOBA game's popularity, and even though they're a free to play game, they rake in enough money on in-app purchases to have their own television studio. Once a year, for the last three years, they've put on a World Championship with teams from all over the world that takes place in that very studio.

This past weekend, a series of random occurrences and references inspired me to check out LoL for the first time in about a year. And this time I was sucked in. I can't explain it, but I started devouring everything LoL - guides, forums, and playing the hell out of the game. Since I was sick as a dog this weekend, and didn't have much to do, I devoured a lot of LoL.

But sometimes, I just wanted to lay down and watch TV. And it just so happened there was a League of Legends World Championship starting that weekend. So I turned it on.

I never thought I could be engrossed in watching other people play a video game. But it was riveting. When the underdog Minesky drove the seemingly unstoppable enemy team out of their base, twice, I was cheering. When I watched a player run from their opponents, teleport to escape, and land right in the waiting arms of the perfect trap that was laid for him, I groaned out loud in sympathy. It was fascinating. And because I really wanted to learn the ins and outs of this game so I could play it better, I was fully engrossed.

And every few matches, there was the analyst desk.

"It appears the cyborg from the future is being stomped on by the minotaur!"

The desk consisted of, as I understood it, two professional commentators and three professional players. Their analysis of each match was deep and insightful, and half of it was lost on me as a new player. But I wanted to learn about the game, and so I paid attention. I was engrossed. I laughed at the jokes, I nodded sagely at their insights, even when I didn't understand them.

And suddenly, I got it. I understood why people spend so much time sitting through all of what I previously termed useless crap at sporting events. Part of it is that we want to look smart, and pretend that we know what's going on. But when you really love a game, or even when just really interested, you want to know how that game works. You want to understand what you're seeing on a deeper level than "Boy, can that guy throw far!" That's where these kind of events come in. And that's what makes them so interesting to watch.

ROUND TABLE: Jarys and Kyle talk The Newsroom

[ Editor: we settle in with our two conversationalists as they prepare to hash out.....a Newsroom Review]

Kyle: What do you want to talk about first?

Jarys: That's a good question. We should have some plan. Since this is for audience consumption, we may want to introduce our getting into the show. Why we approached it, what we heard, and then go into a review. Much of our content is seen by people who have already consumed the content, they just either want to see someone else's take or have something that they can show to friends to get them to consume it. So we may want to be free in giving out spoilers, but use a spoiler tag before each one....just a suggestion. [Editor's note SKIP TO THE END FOR SPOILER FREE SUMMARY]

Episode 75: Samantha Swords!

For our 75 episode, the Ace of Geeks Podcast welcomes the one and only Samantha Swords! Winner of the Harcourt Park Invitational Jousting Tournament, and the 2013 Accolade Tournament Champion, Samantha talks to us about Western Martial Arts, and how she became an utter badass with a longsword. She's also a true renaissance woman, and talks to us about her film projects (hint: she's worked on some of your favorites) and the excellent-sounding graphic novel she's producing in Vancouver. Not one to be missed.

Episode 75!

I Want to Believe...... By Jarys

Twenty years ago a new show premiered on the Fox Channel (11 at our house) and my family and u sat down to watch it. I was nine at the time and we ended up watching it faithfully almost every Sunday until I went to college, that's eight years. This was a big deal because my parents heavily regimented all television use. The TV could only be on for an hour every day, or two hours if the family watched together. Saturday morning didn't count since my younger and I found out that the first dawn of the weekend was exactly when our parents wanted to be the most alone. We would knock on the door, ask them to play with us, and whine "well....can we AT LEAST watch cartoons?" when they said know. I now realized they wanted to have sex. Bless their hearts.

I never told my parents this, but I used to sneak television after school. When our sitter would take my sister to gymnastics and leave me at home I would memorize where the remote was in the room, what channel the TV was on an what the jump button was set to. I would watch Reboot, Aladdin, X-Men, and listen for my dad's car. When he pulled in I would set the TV to the jump channel, turn to the channel it was on when off, then place the remote exactly how I found it. My homework (which I did on the commercials) was open when he came through the door. He never caught me and I felt like a conspirator.

I grew to love conspiracies.

Back to those Sunday nights, my family and I would watch season after season of that scifi-conspiracy thriller called the X-Files. Weaving and twisting plot lies of creatures and conspiracies laid by shadow governments spilled from the screen, scaring me and making me think. The subject matter drove my imagination wild, here you have two characters, Mulder who is open minded but lacks self preservation and sense pitted with Skully, scientific and eternally skeptical with enough wherewithal to call back up before she goes after the killer. This conflict between hard science and hopeful wonder was shown diversely; Mulder invariably turned out to be right, but Skully was dependably there to get themselves out of trouble. The characters started with some dimension and grew, Mulder and his male-geek-sexist discomfort with women, Skully and her torrid relationship to her faith. They both struggled with tragedy....and men in black.

The show was fun, dramatic, and played with the audience's  enough to feed my blossoming subjectivism. They had some incredible gimmick episodes, such as the MiB Rashomon episode, the episode from the monster's perspective, and of course the highly stylized an self aware Frankenstein episode won my heart. I loved this show and its paltry writing occurred too rarely to break my fandom. Plus it helped my dad an I bond during some rather uncomfortable years. Only vat grown clones find adolescence easy.

The show opened me up to vast sections of human culture i had been ignorant of or found hazy. The X-Files lead me to investigate  scientific and mythical oddities, read into conspiracy and UFO culture, appreciate horror story pacing, as well research the occult and magic. The show taught me to open my mind skeptically, to  take these things as seriously as a grain of salt can manage, but as respectfully as culture, placing them in the same realm as popular science and religion. X-file reinforced what my parent taught me in that women can be just as capable as men (my father would occasionally react to the characters by swearing he would rather have Skully as a partner than Mulder). The show taught me the worthiness and price of passion,  giving me characters who never gave up an never sacrificed their identities or values for their search (at least, not without confessing and repenting). You might say it was formative.

Not every episode was great, not every arc added to the show's entertainment value. But it was a great show and a great part of my adolescence. It brought my family together, changed the way I thought, and I think of it fondly to this day. I recently researched the entire run on Netflix, to give me some background stimulation while job hunting. I find it poetic that I stopped watching right before I got this job. I am further thankful, then that the X-Files kept me focused and entertained during that part of my life.  When the actors came to Wondercon to promote the recent movie, i had the distinct honor of embarrassing myself by going up to ask them questions in a Link costume (thank you Mae Linh). Except, I wasn't embarrassed, I had seen these people make fools of themselves for years. They entertained me, so when they asked about my costume I was happy to entertain them.

I couldn't find the picture of me as Link, so look at this pic, and think "cuter"

J.K. Rowling to Adapt New Harry Potter Film Series for Warner Bros.

 

 

From the first book release in 1997 to the final movie in 2011, countless readers and movie goers have been captivated by JK Rowling's novel series "Harry Potter". When "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" came out in 2011 many in the Harry Potter fanbase begged and pleated with Rowling to make more books or allow someone to make more movies. Well, the wait is over. News broke today saying she has partnered with Warner Brothers Studios, the production company behind the multi-million dollar movie series, to bring to the big screen an adaptation of the book “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them”. The original book was a small story told from the eyes of the “writer” of the book Newt Scamander. In the Harry Potter series this book was actually used as a text book by the kids of Hogwarts.

Although this new movie is coming out, Rowling has come out and said “...Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them is neither a prequel nor a sequel to the Harry Potter series, but an extension of the wizarding world.” Fans of the series will have to look at this movie as a version of itself. Yes it will take place in the lovely and imaginative wizarding world that we have known for 16 years, it will not have anything to do with the characters that we have come to love. Expect to go into this movie with only partial knowledge of the goings on in the world.

The future looks bright for Harry Potter fans as there were other books that came out with the book in question. There was a real life release of the book “Quidditch Through the Ages” in which fictional writer Kennilworthy Whisp writes about things such as brooms, the golden snitch, rules of the game and the spread of the game. There’s no doubt that the book is more of an explanatory walkthrough of the rise of Quidditch but, if Rowling can make a movie that is based on a text book, it would not be too difficult to make one about a history book. A movie that followed the writer as he did his research going from game to game and speaking to past and present players or an origin story for the first team, or teams, to play, the amount of ideas are infinite. Quidditch has always played a huge part in the Harry Potter fandom and making a movie that was all about wizarding world’s favorite sport would definitely bring in the bucks and, possibly, more fans.

Overall, the fans of the Harry Potter series are rejoicing as their favorite writer has stepped up her game to, not only give them something more in the world, but also doing the writing for herself. All we can do now is sit back and relax as we all await whatever story she manages to create. From her record, there should be no question that it will be magical.