See Parts 1 and 2 of our IAAPA coverage here!
The head cold is still going. So everybody: Dayquil, coffee,
coffee, biscuits, gravy, coffee, bacon, sausage, fruit, OJ, coffee, GO!
Cholesterol, sugar and protein are excellent cure-alls. At least they are in my
book.
The show opens around 8am EST with a beautiful ceremony
involving speeches, women in tight dresses, speeches given in heavy foreign
accents and a live show of some sort. Last year there were some German stunt
people and a rather lovely female contortionist, although not at the same time. The
contortionist’s costume was what I would call diaphanous. Most would call it
transparent. Most men would just make panting sounds and rude gestures. I’ve
learned a great deal of self-control over the years so I kept all my impure
thoughts just as such. This year was no different, I’m sure, though I was
asleep at the time, so I don’t really know what happened, but I assume it was
lovely. The combination of jet lag and a head cold can ruin your mornings if
you don’t do your best sleep them off.
The Compatriot and I stroll into the North Concourse and its
38,011,280 cubic feet of glory. There’s bounce houses, go carts, toy companies,
playground equipment, cheap Chinese knock-offs of Disney products, and food.
Never ones to quibble, we quickly realize we’re on the wrong side of town and
have a hike to get where we’re going: The Coin-Op Pavilion, home of the video
games. The Compatriot’s business is video games. He selects, buys, analyzes,
and fixes big electronic toys to maximize profit and provide entertainment for
our park. He’s good at his job.
What did I see? I saw amazing things. First and foremost was
the new Star Wars Battle Pod. Crafted by Namco and officially licensed by
Disney/Lucasfilm et al, it’s a big machine and for good reason. You open a door
on the left to get inside. You’ve got a joystick on the right and a throttle on
the left. In front of you is a 120 degree curved screen that takes up almost
your entire field of vision. The Star Wars Fanfare plays and you can feel your
wallet getting thinner as you get ready to go. When the action starts you’re
given five missions to choose from: The Battle of Yavin, The Battle of Hoth, The
Battle of the Endor Forest, The Battle of Endor Space, and “Vader’s Revenge”.
I’ll provide you with a brief description.
Your X-Wing sits in a hanger and the General tells you good
luck. Your ship rises out of the forest and flies through the atmosphere into
space. There’s a brief transition and suddenly you’re in the thick of things.
Tie Fighters are everywhere. Music is blaring, ships are flying past, explosion
sound all around you and your job it to clear the path for the bombers. You
control your speed with the throttle. Just like Beggar’s Canyon back home, it
never left full speed while I was in there. Destroy the guns, how many guns?
Looks like 20 guns, some in the trench, some in the towers. Tie fighters fly
past. Red Five Going In!
In the trench you’re dodging Tie fighters firing on anything
that’s the slightest bit unfriendly. Vader flies past. “The Force is strong in
this one.” You fire on his wingman. He spins out of control, into the darkness
of space. “Yeehaaah! You’re all clear kid! Now let’s blow this thing and go
home!” The bombing screen comes up. “Use the Force, Luke.” There’s the grid. The vertical lines come
together while your thumb sits above the torpedo trigger. Red Light, Now! You
pull up. Two glowing orbs fall gently into the exhaust port. Four ships jet
away from the battle station, and in a flash, the Death Star is no more.
There’s a knock on the door behind me. Doesn’t his person
know I’m trying to save the galaxy? Fine. I get out and the seven people in
line each move a few inches closer to glory in a galaxy far, far away.
The game is amazing, especially if you’re a fanboy like me.
There’s only one real problem with it: Maneuvering is nigh impossible.
The game is on a rail but it’s a pretty wide rail so you can slide back and
forth inside the virtual tunnel you’re in. It’s not like you can just say,
“Screw it, I’m not fighting those AT-ATs. I’m leaving.” And fly off the battle
field. That would make it boring.
The theme park I would for will be buying at least one of these. They’re going to cost
a lot to play but it’s well worth it for probably the first five or so go
rounds. You can get one for your living room too if you want, so long as you’ve
got a spare $30,000 sitting around somewhere. Things work on a bit of a
different scale in the amusement park industry. Remember that meal from the
last article? Every bit of hardware, restaurant and joystick has to pay for
itself inside a certain period of time. Otherwise hardware, restaurants and
joysticks get replaced. If it happens often, so do people. I’ve no doubt that
these things would pay for themselves no matter how many we buy but funds are limited
so we’ll see how many show up.
Lunch today was at the food court. While we weren’t at a
park per se, we were just as trapped. The busses stop running at 11 and unless
you want to hike the mile back to the hotel in whatever this year’s
capriciousness decides the weather’s going to be, go ahead. It was $13 for
something I’ll politely refer to as Chinese food since I didn’t want to add
expletives to the article unnecessarily.
We had an after lunch appointment with a manufacturer for a
new game/ride/attraction thingy. I’m being purposefully vague because some
things are proprietary, and and because I wanted to include you in on some interesting
euphemisms. So, it was me, Compatriot, Boss Man, Big Boss, Even Bigger Boss, and
associated executives. We’re all gathered around this… thing. He shows it
operating and explains how some parts aren’t quite working but he’s got plans
to make it work and why they’re not quite right and how he’s not quite got the
PLC up and running because it’s not hearty enough to run all the lights the
exact way they’re supposed to and if you get in and sit here you can feel how
the safeties are all good and nobody will get injured in any serious way and
how the G-Forces are all well under spec for a small coaster… Things went on
like that for a while.
It was a good machine but not quite finished yet. I’m in no
way impugning the manufacturer or his product. (Or telling us anything about them. -Ed) There are a lot of experimental
things going on. Some people are showing up in a booth with just a company name
and a few director’s chairs, trying to make a name for themselves. Some others
have little scale models of coasters because bringing in a full size one just
isn’t possible. A great deal of what you see is up to your own interpretation.
Trade shows are like life that way.
After the meeting we all went back to our rooms and changed
for a vendor event. I love vendors, spend a mere $2 Million with them and
they’ll take you out to a nice $75 dinner. Well, that’s simplifying a bit but
that’s the gist of it. This nice company likes to send us to amusement parks,
small ones with a more personal feel. We went to a place called “The Fun Spot.”
Is it fun? Yes. They have several small coasters, another of which I was goaded
into riding. Oh, and there was a giant sling shot type thing that drops you about
250 feet and lets you whip around like a Chihuahua tied to a post during a
hurricane. I did not participate.
Some many years back when I was about 3 or 4, my uncle took
us to Knott’s Berry Farm. Back then this little thing called safety wasn’t
really an issue. It was his idea to have fun with the kiddies whether we liked
it or not. So, he took us on the parachute ride. Many of you readers aren’t old
enough to understand what that is, so I’ll explain. You all get into this sort
of fenced in cage with no ceiling, lock, restraint, or sense of well-being. A
crane drags you about 40 feet in the air, maybe more. Right then, my cousin, a
year younger than me, decides he wants off. He opened the gate and got one foot
into the air before the one available parent grabbed him by the shirt and
dragged him back into the box. When you’ve reached maximum appreciable height,
they release the brake. I’m unsure what the mechanism is but you drop for what
feels to a four year old, like about year, then the parachute opens and you
glide to a halt, crashing almost gently, back onto the ground. Afterward you
all proceed to the bathroom to empty the children’s pants of whatever unfortunate
things may have shown up in the intervening moments between sky and earth.
People wonder why I hate falling and via translation, roller coasters.
So I got on this thing called the Freedom Flyer and glided
around some curves. There’s the initial drop at the beginning but I held
everything shut and tight so I didn’t need a change of clothes afterward. There
is no specific phobia for fear of falling itself, not that I’ve found at least.
Frankly it’s really not so much fear as a heightened distaste for falling. I
rather like heights and enjoy climbing tall things. I also greatly enjoy
acceleration which brings us to a nice segue.
Among those of us participating in the event, my coworkers
and I are avid fans of Go-Carts and Fun Spot has them in abundance. There’re
eight of us in the group with a combined age of nearly 350 years. On the go
cart track, that means an average age of 13. Fortunately they’ve had the foresight
to wrap them all in these great metal bumpers. They probably need new ones
after our visit. There’s a young man shouting safety regulations at us before
the race. Yes, well… Immediately into the first turn one fellow was already
backwards on the track and thoroughly confused as to what precisely had
occurred. Somewhere in the background somebody is yelling “No Bumping!” Poor
fellow doesn’t understand. You see, my Big Big Boss knows his Big Big Boss and
these things sort of work out in a general if you let me do this here you can
come to our park and we’ll crank up the bumper cars to 11 while you’re on them
and let you go ‘round the wrong way if you like.
Carts were pummeled, egos were bruised, backs were bruised,
Rubber met road, rubber left road, rubber went into eyes, beer was drank, food
as eaten, people were sling shotted, and Freedom Flier was flown. It was good
night to be in Florida. Onto day 4 in just a few short hours.
The Lopez is an Amusement Park Industry Professional, Artist, Gamer,
LARP GM, Member of the Gamer Geekus gaming troupe, and occasional guest
star on the Ace of Geeks podcast. You can find Gamer Geekus at www.Facebook.com/Gamergeekus or email him directly at retheon@gmail.com.
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