Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Dying Words from the Toppling Feta Tower
All Citizen-Writers and Citizen-Readers are to heed this last dictum from the Editor-In-Chief.
Hours ago I, your Editor in Chief Jarys, marched in here as the Victor in a war with grim invaders. Though I shared their heritage, that of the enlightened minds of Athens and mighty warriors of Sparta, I was so loyal as to be able to walk among them without ever changing loyalties. Like the Roman Caesar, my heart was with my home, The Ace of Greeks. But, also like Caesar, I answered a call.. A call given to me by the populist lovers of Greek food, a call unheeded by the elitist Potluckers.
I answered the call to Unify this website, to unify us under one success, one vision, one lunch food provider, one Dictum. As I had defeated the Ace of Greeks, I, like the undefeatable Heracles, took the pelt of my lion and wore it, taking the Ace of Greeks name and their food truck. This painted me even more the unpopular usurper to the Elitist Potluckers. Their jealousy and thirst for chaos grew like a sickness. And that sickness has felled this great podcast and blog.
They won, but I'm not here to lament my own defeat. I'm here to lament the defeat...of unity.
Unity is togetherness, Unity is success and failure of the individual relying on the success and failure of the group. Unity is obedience to one set of values, one Editor in Chief. Unity is all writers and all workers joining hands at the break table to eat lunch together, the same lunch, provided free by the Management, forever.
Unity is being paid for hard work. Paid for well written articles. Paid from the war-horde I have brought back from the Greek food truck business. I'd explain the legal precedence for that, but it's very complicated. And I've just learned that I don't really know complicated legal things. Consider it my Achilles heel. But enough about me....
Unity is a Golem of many parts, made by all hands, and pushed to the singular purpose of enforcing happiness and joy for better staff productivity....actually, "Unity" would have been a better name for that Golem. "Shmucky" is a poor reference to Yiddish culture, it's kinda..disempowering. That doesn't matter now. What matters is that now we fall. We fall together.
Hold on, I'm being told that I'm the only one who is going to experience a downgrade in fortune. What do you mean, you're going to fire me?.....Oh, well, since I'm still Editor-in- OH COME ON!
Back to the writing floor??? After what I just pulled, they'll eat me ali- Oh you're all full from Pita and Putluck Sushi? Ha ha, ok, Fine. No, I'm almost done anyway. I- am- almost- GAH give that back!
I suppose, loyal subje-fellow Ace of Gree-Ace of Geeks, excuse me. I suppose this is goodbye. We had a good run. I hope you enjoyed your paychecks, which were ProRated for the few hours of work you accomplished while I was in charge. So...don't spend it all in one place. Ok, Ok, I'm going, I'm going.Sheesh!
*grumbles*I just wanted to help out more around here. I didn't even get to try the pita...
UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool's silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:
Part Seven! (You Are Here)