Fantasy Adventures (IRL!) Level 2 by Justin

Ding! Congratulations on reaching level 2, nerds! Justin checking back in with some more exciting adventures from New Zealand. Above, notice the view from Bluff Hill Lookout. This is a spot in Napier that's one of the first to see the sun rise in the morning. If my geography is any good at all, all of you US readers are like a zillion miles across the ocean from this picture. Pretty sure that's mathematically accurate. (+50xp)

When we last left off, I gave a rundown of the wonderful land of Hobbits. Well, on the way back from Hobbiton my driver informed me that there was one space left for Black Water Rafting at the Waitomo Glowworm Caves the following day. How about yes? Not going to lie, it was expensive. But well worth it.

 Just jumped off of a small dock backwards in anticipation of several underground waterfalls where we'd need to do the same. (+100xp)

Oh, and you might notice that rafting is a relative term. All we had to navigate with was our own inner tube. And despite the name, the water wasn't black. It was just dark down there. So I guess it was neither black, nor rafting, exactly. Silly kiwis.

The caves themselves were incredible. Glowworms glow overhead, and at certain points the guides have you shut off all of your lights and just drift down the underground waterway taking in the scenery above you. I don't want to ruin the majesty of it in case you manage to get there someday on your own, but if you can't stand the suspense go ahead and google it. I will give you a tiny peek though:

This is the tail-end of our 2 and a half hour journey through the earth. (+200xp)

As part of the return trip from Waitomo, I also got to stop in at the Kiwi House, a place where they keep many of the birds from the country. Anyone who knows me at least a little bit probably knows that I'm not a big fan of birds. I don't trust anything that can poop on me that easily. Though most of these were flightless birds, so I guess they were alright. Kiwis themselves are kind of adorable:

Even if they do look like a cross between a porcupine and a plague doctor.  

(I'm giving myself +50xp for that joke. I kill me.)

After my time at Waitomo and the Kiwi house was up, it was back to Auckland for a bit to get ready to leave for Napier and my first actual job in En Zed. After $31 and a 9 hour bus ride through a landscape that looked Photo-shopped, I arrived in Napier, Art Deco capital of New Zealand.

Cool shit like this is all around this town. It reminds me of Fallout. Minus the whole deathly wasteland thing.

I had one night in a YHA hostel along the waterfront and in the morning went to my new place of employment/temporary accommodation, Napier Prison.

Home sweet home! Looks super welcoming, huh?

My job here is to give guided tours and do audio recording/office work for the prison in exchange for living in my own jail cell, for free. The prison itself is really interesting. It has history dating back in the mid 19th century, and is supposedly haunted. Adorably, my coworkers (in particular Ciaran-- that's right, I'm calling you out on the internet, Ciaran. Now you know it's super cereal,)* refuse to take the self-guided audio ghost tour. I did it by myself, in the dead of night on my 2nd night here. (+250xp) For the most part it wasn't so bad, though I did jump once after a stray cat meowed loudly from outside the prison wall... right when I was listening to the part about a ghost cat. Yes, there's a part about a ghost cat.

There are stories of murder, suicide, baby farming (it's not as adorable as it sounds), hangings, accidental deaths, all sorts of stuff in this prison. Even the wall above was built by the prisoners in a quarry across the road which is now a beautiful garden complete with a running waterfall. That's right, they made the prisoners build the wall that kept them in.

Hard to believe this used to be loaded with gruff New Zealand inmates. It's so purty now.

There was one minor hiccup about two weeks in when I woke up in the middle of the night and got the traveler's sickness I was promised. You don't want pictures of that (not that I took them.) I felt like a sorority girl after five too many Jager-bombs (+500xp You don't know, man. You weren't there. YOU WEREN'T THERE!)

When my month here is up, I should be heading to the south island for some hostel work. I will be sure to keep up with the photojournalism for you lovely armchair travelers. It's going to be winter for me here so I imagine snow is in my future.

Side-quest:

They call flip-flops "jandals" which is short for "Japanese sandals." Also, swimsuits are known as "Togs." You should watch this video about it.  It's funny. And informative. Fun-formative. I also tried something called an L&P Bar. L&P generally makes this lemon soft drink that is labeled "Good Lemonish Stuff." The bar itself was sort of like lemon-infused white chocolate with pop rocks in it. That's the best description I can give. (+100xp)

Until next time, Gadget! I mean, nerds.

*Ciaran has since moved on from the time I wrote this article, (such is the nature of backpacking) and I think he finally took the tour right before he left, so the emotional impact is gone, but the intention remains.

Justin Rhodes is a writer currently on a massive adventure to New Zealand.

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LEGO Hobbit and the Dangerous Trend in Games

Getting a LEGO game based off your franchise is almost a requisite for certain big titles. So it came as no surprise that with the success of LEGO: The Lord Of The Rings, LEGO: The Hobbit was bound to follow.

The game released at an unusual time, right after the second film, and with no subtitles indicating it was based only on specific films (like LEGO: Harry Potter - Years 1-4). I even purchased it with concern it would spoil the last film for me, which was still many months away. I figured I could easily just stop playing after the battle with Smaug, and save the rest of the game for after the movie came out. It was a good plan, in theory.

The gameplay itself is quite similar to every other LEGO game. You explore the world, build sets, collect extra characters and quests. There’s the similar aspects as well how in order to gain 100% you have to go back through the game and play with the new characters you have unlocked. It was fantastic to go back into levels like Rivendell and Dale and fully explore them in depth. The typical LEGO humor was there, and it used the rare act of giving the LEGO characters voices with movie dialogue. The voices did feel rather awkward since, much like the Sims, their lack of regular conversation is rather endearing.

Then came the infamous “I am fire. I am death.” line. I figured I’d save after this and then I can- wait...

The Hobbit - The End of an Era

This past Monday I decided to take a half-day off work, walk a few blocks to the AMC Metreon in Downtown San Francisco, and sit my butt down for nine hours in a comfy, assigned seat and watch The Hobbit trilogy in IMAX 3D.

And let me tell you, in its entirety, it was pretty glorious. Some minor spoilers to follow.

We all got posters and matching badges.  I've gotta remember to see if the Metreon has extras!

The amount of camaraderie from just being surrounded by fellow Tolkien fans was truly heart-warming.  We had all come together one last time to experience what will likely be the last of Jackson's portrayals of Middle Earth.

Prior to Desolation's showing during the marathon, audience members were given a sneak peek and behind-the-scenes look at The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies premiere in the UK just a week prior.  After the second intermission but before Battle was queued up for its run, audiences were also treated to a special message from Peter Jackson himself.  He thanked us for being there, challenged us to watch both trilogies in a row, and stated that Battle was his favorite in the Hobbit trilogy despite the fact that it was the most difficult to make.

And he's definitely not wrong.  Battle had to tie up loose ends from the first two installments, it had to be a sturdy bridge for The Lord of the Rings, and it also had to be entertaining.  The pedestal was set high, and I think for the most part Jackson has delivered.

~~~~

The Desolation of Smaug ended with the monstrous and paranoid Smaug leaving Erebor in a hurry to go and decimate Lake-town.  Battle picks up right in Lake-town with the citizens beginning to worry about the cacophony coming from the mountain.  Bard the Bowman, having been knocked out by Alfrid and Lake-town's Master in the previous feature, was locked in a prison cell and abandoned by the guards once the fire drake was flying overhead.  Most of the dwarves were still at the Lonely Mountain and could only watch in horror as Lake-town was being incinerated; the remaining dwarves (and Tauriel) were tending to Kili's wound from the Morgul arrow.  Gandalf had been captured while forcing Sauron's hand at Dol Guldur and was seemingly losing on this faraway front.

This opening sequence of Battle from start to end took about 20 minutes and felt more like the conclusion of Desolation than it did the beginning of a new chapter.   Smaug took a final dramatic plunge and then the title of the film was revealed without much grandeur.  Although I can understand leaving Desolation on a cliffhanger so viewers are more compelled to see the third movie, Smaug's brief arc in Battle feels disconnected from the rest of the story.  The amount of screen time the dragon receives in Battle leaves us a bit unsatisfied with his ultimate demise because the tension has been lost in the gap between the two films.

After the survivors of Laketown make their way to shore, and Bard steps into a more prominent leadership role, Tauriel parts ways with the dwarves and joins Legolas in a side-quest.  We cut back to Gandalf in Dol Guldur who had summoned aid from Galadriel, Elrond and Sarumon.  A spectacular fight breaks out between the White Council (although not expressly called that in the film) against the former human ring-bearers, and the clash forces Sauron to reveal himself.  Galadriel, although too weak to send Sauron back to the depths from whence he came, was at least able to send him eastward toward Mordor.

This exchange was particularly enjoyable for our theater audience.  We got to see Elrond in full battle attire kicking some major Nazgûl butt along side Sarumon, who was surprisingly lithe and spry for an old white wizard.  The crowd literally cheered when the Lady of Lothlórien dropped some Turn Undead on the ringwraiths and applauded when Sauron was (albeit temporarily) incapacitated.

The story turns to the ruins of Dale, where the citizens of Lake-town had sought out refuge for the time being.  We end up pulling back from the small one on one interactions and get an opportunity to see what is occurring on a macro playing field: elves in golden armor have appeared, dwarves with weighty shields and battle boars come overtop the hills, and hundreds of orcs begin rallying for the upcoming battle.  Even the population of Lake-town begins to train and take up arms for the impending fight.

But why the fight to begin with?  The short answer is because Thorin is plagued by the same illness that his grandfather had succumbed to; he isn't willing to part with the treasure like he had previously promised he would.  Thorin's obsession with the treasure in Erebor is second only to his obsession with finding the Arkenstone.  Richard Armitage's portrayal of Thorin truly recognizes the shift in Thorin's character from a stoic leader to a maddened king.  There are a few instances where you can even hear Smaug's words seeping in through Thorin's bold and paranoid statements.

Bilbo (whom we haven't seen too much of in this installment so far) finally comes back into play.  As always, Martin Freeman perfectly characterizes Bilbo Baggins with his witty expressions and modest demeanor.  After seeking counsel from Balin regarding Thorin's state of mind, the hobbit decides that the best way to attempt to diffuse the tension and prevent a war is to give the Arkenstone to Bard and Thranduil as leverage against Thorin.  This ends up not going according to plan and the pressure only escalates from there.

The big fight finally rolls around when the orcs make their entrance.  Jackson did an amazing job in The Lord of the Rings trilogy staging large-scale combats, and has proven himself again with the choreography in this finale.  Many people were dissuaded or became cautiously optimistic when Jackson announced that there would be a 45-minute fight sequence in Battle.  If you enjoyed the combat in previous movies, you'll be sure to relish in the war presented in Battle; if you aren't a big fan of combat, there are still other opportunities spaced throughout the fighting for you to look forward to.  The long fight sequence isn't constant combat.  The parties split, resulting in different points of views from the various fronts during this skirmish.  However, there are a few fights that will leave you staring at the screen going "that's really not how that works, there's only so much belief I can suspend" (*cough*Legolas*cough*).

Several of the characters that we've grown attached to over the past three years didn't make it through to the end of this movie.  This was mostly to be expected, because even if you haven't read the books you've seen the future in The Lord of The Rings.  In most cases these deaths were tragic, and some were even heartbreaking to the point of tears.

There were a few points that didn't quite make their mark.  Bilbo, although the star of the first two films, takes a backseat to Thorin (and arguably to Bard) in this final installment.  The original working title of the film was to be "There and Back Again", but for one reason or another the focus had shifted to a single chapter from the original tale and only barely touched on the return to The Shire.  It was also sometimes difficult figuring out who the five armies actually were - elves, men, dwarves, orcs...and more orcs?  The eagles?  What?  Lastly, the showing that I viewed was in IMAX 3D at 48 frames per second, which made some of the animated characters and scenes look like extremely high-quality video game cut scenes.

All in all, The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies set out on a mission to be an entertaining finale and bridge and I think it did a decent job of it.  There are still some questions that were left unanswered (Why did the orcs side with Sauron? What happened to Tauriel after Thranduil found her?  Where do Elrond and Galadriel go after their fight with Sauron?), and there are definitely some tie-ins that fans can appreciate (We finally get to see Belladonna Took Baggins stealing Bilbo's spoons as mentioned early on in Unexpected Journey).  Although I'm sad because it's over, I'm elated to see the series complete and I'm sincerely glad that it happened.

If your question is whether or not to go see The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies - go see it.  And invite me too, because I'd love to see it again. And now I leave you with the final number of the Middle Earth movies - Billy Boyd's The Last Goodbye.



Stephanie Cala is an avid board, tabletop, and video gamer, who streams regularly on her Twitch channel. She's the Ace of Geeks' Empress of Events.

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The Final Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies Trailer!

Someone decided today was a great day to be a geek on the internet. Behold the final trailer for the Hobbit in all of its glory!