New Mutants Movie Coming!

Before Generation X, or the New X-men, or the All New X-men, there was the original team of kickass teenage mutants. Called simply "The New Mutants," this team was the first group of second generation X-men, and they blazed a trail through the 80s that ultimately ended in them becoming the first X-force. Now, Variety is reporting that Fox has decided to launch the New Mutants to the big screen, with Josh Boone at the helm. Haven't heard of Boone? The biggest film he's known for is teen drama The Fault in Our Stars...which is actually a pretty good pedigree for something like the New Mutants, who were always known for their teenage drama.

We'll give you more news as we know more.

First Trailer for New, "Adult" Muppet Show!

They're back! They're back! The Muppets are back on TV! Everybody flail!

Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way, here's the deal: As we previously reported, the Muppets are going to be making a return to prime time TV this fall with a more "adult" oriented series. This does not, thankfully, mean they're going full Avenue Q. Based on the trailer below, what it does mean is that the Muppets will be making a Parks and Req/The Office style comedy about the behind the scenes drama that goes into making The Muppet Show. This could be fantastic. It could be really awkward. Thankfully, the trailer is on point, capturing all the characters in a way that doesn't feel at all out of place. Check it out after the jump, and let us know what you think!

Machinima Announces Lineup of New Shows, Including Robocop

Machinima had a huge press conference today, announcing a vast lineup of new shows for their channel. The channel, which began as a humble Youtube channel but became the digital arm of Warner Bros. Entertainment, has had massive success in the past with their Mortal Kombat Legacy web series, and is now the ninth largest video destination in the US.

They've got some huge names - Bruce Timm, Bob Orci - and some really interesting ideas coming up, including a Robocop TV series based on the original film continuity, and a reality show giving contestants the chance to create a short Starman film. See the full slate after the jump:

Fantasy Adventures (IRL!) Level 2 by Justin

Ding! Congratulations on reaching level 2, nerds! Justin checking back in with some more exciting adventures from New Zealand. Above, notice the view from Bluff Hill Lookout. This is a spot in Napier that's one of the first to see the sun rise in the morning. If my geography is any good at all, all of you US readers are like a zillion miles across the ocean from this picture. Pretty sure that's mathematically accurate. (+50xp)

When we last left off, I gave a rundown of the wonderful land of Hobbits. Well, on the way back from Hobbiton my driver informed me that there was one space left for Black Water Rafting at the Waitomo Glowworm Caves the following day. How about yes? Not going to lie, it was expensive. But well worth it.

 Just jumped off of a small dock backwards in anticipation of several underground waterfalls where we'd need to do the same. (+100xp)

Oh, and you might notice that rafting is a relative term. All we had to navigate with was our own inner tube. And despite the name, the water wasn't black. It was just dark down there. So I guess it was neither black, nor rafting, exactly. Silly kiwis.

The caves themselves were incredible. Glowworms glow overhead, and at certain points the guides have you shut off all of your lights and just drift down the underground waterway taking in the scenery above you. I don't want to ruin the majesty of it in case you manage to get there someday on your own, but if you can't stand the suspense go ahead and google it. I will give you a tiny peek though:

This is the tail-end of our 2 and a half hour journey through the earth. (+200xp)

As part of the return trip from Waitomo, I also got to stop in at the Kiwi House, a place where they keep many of the birds from the country. Anyone who knows me at least a little bit probably knows that I'm not a big fan of birds. I don't trust anything that can poop on me that easily. Though most of these were flightless birds, so I guess they were alright. Kiwis themselves are kind of adorable:

Even if they do look like a cross between a porcupine and a plague doctor.  

(I'm giving myself +50xp for that joke. I kill me.)

After my time at Waitomo and the Kiwi house was up, it was back to Auckland for a bit to get ready to leave for Napier and my first actual job in En Zed. After $31 and a 9 hour bus ride through a landscape that looked Photo-shopped, I arrived in Napier, Art Deco capital of New Zealand.

Cool shit like this is all around this town. It reminds me of Fallout. Minus the whole deathly wasteland thing.

I had one night in a YHA hostel along the waterfront and in the morning went to my new place of employment/temporary accommodation, Napier Prison.

Home sweet home! Looks super welcoming, huh?

My job here is to give guided tours and do audio recording/office work for the prison in exchange for living in my own jail cell, for free. The prison itself is really interesting. It has history dating back in the mid 19th century, and is supposedly haunted. Adorably, my coworkers (in particular Ciaran-- that's right, I'm calling you out on the internet, Ciaran. Now you know it's super cereal,)* refuse to take the self-guided audio ghost tour. I did it by myself, in the dead of night on my 2nd night here. (+250xp) For the most part it wasn't so bad, though I did jump once after a stray cat meowed loudly from outside the prison wall... right when I was listening to the part about a ghost cat. Yes, there's a part about a ghost cat.

There are stories of murder, suicide, baby farming (it's not as adorable as it sounds), hangings, accidental deaths, all sorts of stuff in this prison. Even the wall above was built by the prisoners in a quarry across the road which is now a beautiful garden complete with a running waterfall. That's right, they made the prisoners build the wall that kept them in.

Hard to believe this used to be loaded with gruff New Zealand inmates. It's so purty now.

There was one minor hiccup about two weeks in when I woke up in the middle of the night and got the traveler's sickness I was promised. You don't want pictures of that (not that I took them.) I felt like a sorority girl after five too many Jager-bombs (+500xp You don't know, man. You weren't there. YOU WEREN'T THERE!)

When my month here is up, I should be heading to the south island for some hostel work. I will be sure to keep up with the photojournalism for you lovely armchair travelers. It's going to be winter for me here so I imagine snow is in my future.

Side-quest:

They call flip-flops "jandals" which is short for "Japanese sandals." Also, swimsuits are known as "Togs." You should watch this video about it.  It's funny. And informative. Fun-formative. I also tried something called an L&P Bar. L&P generally makes this lemon soft drink that is labeled "Good Lemonish Stuff." The bar itself was sort of like lemon-infused white chocolate with pop rocks in it. That's the best description I can give. (+100xp)

Until next time, Gadget! I mean, nerds.

*Ciaran has since moved on from the time I wrote this article, (such is the nature of backpacking) and I think he finally took the tour right before he left, so the emotional impact is gone, but the intention remains.

Justin Rhodes is a writer currently on a massive adventure to New Zealand.

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An X-man Comes Out in the Worst Possible Way

Fanart by JamieFayeX

If you’re anywhere on the internet today, you've heard that Marvel has decided in it’s new issues to expose one of their time traveling young X-men as gay. Normally, as a member of the LGBTQA+ community, this would be so exciting! Instead, I am left with nauseating rage. My straight friends were confused as to why this entire set of panels makes me feel like Marvel is dipping into Mugatu's medicine cabinet!

I mean, come on!

So first off, let’s start off by saying this... Just because there’s LGBTQA+ representation does NOT mean we should be automatically happy about it. DC has had a habit of handling it very poorly, whereas Marvel has had a habit of handling it very well. So that’s what makes this even more upsetting. This treatment of the characters in this scene is extremely disgusting and presents a lot of problems that are prevalent in our community and things we deal with everyday. It’s disappointing to see this ignorance out of a company who at one point was bold enough to put a gay wedding on the cover. It’s like going to an ice cream store and the ice cream has been flavored with... well... shit. Spoilers ahead. (Click on all the comic panels below to expand them.)

Geekly Roundup April 12th: Movies and Dicks Edition

Welcome back to the Geekly Roundup, your source of all the fun, interesting, and poignant news we’ve collected that didn’t make it into an article this week! We've got ancient remedies, dick pics, awesome new casting and more!

In today's round up, Lauren, Ben and Mark talk about Medieval remedies for modern, drug-resistant infections, as well as Marvel's tearful goodbye to DC as DC says goodbye to New York city. Then the group discusses recent controversies in Final Fantasy and the Hugo Awards. Check it out now!

Fantasy Adventures (IRL!) Level 1 by Justin Rhodes

Greetings nerdlings,

Justin checking in after my first week in New Zealand. I've come over to have an actual adventure and in the event you wanted to live vicariously, I thought I'd share my initial impressions and thoughts on the Land of the Long White Cloud.

My journey started at San Francisco International Airport, where I arrived much too early and spent two hours killing time at the airport. Thank you, LOTR Return of the King Extended Edition. (+100xp) From there we crammed into our Air New Zealand flight which was surprisingly good. Plus, there was an empty seat next to me so I had some wiggle room. Airplanes themselves are sort of magical in my opinion. It's like you hop into a tube and it teleports you to another world. It's just that, in this case, the spell took 13 hours. I finished up my movie and arrived with sufficient sleep.

The Aftermath of the Ace of Greeks Food Truck Invasion

Hey guys, Mike here.

Sorry I've been out of the loop all day. Jarys had be locked in my office, while they tried to convince me that partnering with a food truck was doing what was "best for business." Thankfully, Raven managed to discover Shucky, the golem I secretly bought years ago on the black market in case Jarys ever needed to be stopped. He's one of many last-ditch emergency measures that I have in place in case any of my staff goes Rogue. Did you know, for example, that Mae Linh can be defeated by a picture of a small cat, asleep on a bookshelf?

In addition, Kyle can be defeated with the application of a single sentence of logic. It's just too much for him!

Now that the Ace of Geeks is firmly back within my control, I'll be rolling back the changes on the site(s). Man, it sure is silly that we have two sites that you have to go back and forth between. If only there was a way to combine them into a simple, easy to use interface where all of the Ace of Geeks content could live. That would be such a dream.

Hey, unrelated note: Our 150th episode of the Ace of Geeks Podcast is coming soon.

Anyway, thanks to everybody who supported us in our delicious, delicious war. I'm off to eat some Potluck, but first I leave you with this thought:

Who did put the Bop in the Bop-Shu-Bop-Shu-Bop? They never answer that in the song.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool's silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight! (You Are Here)

Dying Words from the Toppling Feta Tower

All Citizen-Writers and Citizen-Readers are to heed this last dictum from the Editor-In-Chief.

Hours ago I, your Editor in Chief Jarys, marched in here as the Victor in a war with grim invaders. Though I shared their heritage, that of the enlightened minds of Athens and mighty warriors of Sparta, I was so loyal as to be able to walk among them without ever changing loyalties. Like the Roman Caesar, my heart was with my home, The Ace of Greeks. But, also like Caesar, I answered a call.. A call given to me by the populist lovers of Greek food, a call unheeded by the elitist Potluckers.

I answered the call to Unify this website, to unify us under one success, one vision, one lunch food provider, one Dictum. As I had defeated the Ace of Greeks, I, like the undefeatable Heracles, took the pelt of my lion and wore it, taking the Ace of Greeks name and their food truck. This painted me even more the unpopular usurper to the Elitist Potluckers. Their jealousy and thirst for chaos grew like a sickness. And that sickness has felled this great podcast and blog.

The Geeks Are Going To War! (or: The Last March of the Geeks)

I'm writing this in a maintenance closet... I hope it gets out... I hope I'm not too late...

Jarys came back from his mission and immediately called a meeting in the middle of the Editor's room. We all gathered there, and they made a very rousing speech about how we needed to band together and strike the keys hard and fast to spread the word - The Ace of Geeks is now under new management! He changed the name of the blog to "The Ace of Greeks," with Mike's full support! I couldn't believe it! What the hell was going on?

Jarys waved a bunch of papers and said that they are now in charge, and we need to buckle down if we expect to get paid. More news about the latest gadgets and gizmos, more dice rolling, more topics in discussion on the audio podcasts. Tighter deadlines and everything has to pass his desk before being published or posted on the podcast. Then they said it - "BETTER CONTENT, GODDAMMIT - THERE WILL BE TOPIC ASSIGNMENTS DAILY!"

Words from the Home Front

It smells like dolmas here.

It all happened so suddenly, with such overwhelming activity, that I scarcely recall a day without the thumb of our lamb-trimming overlords held firmly upon our throats.  Our office was occupied in the scant time it took a strange cease-and-desist letter to turn into complete conquest of our humble blog and podcast.

Hmm? What's that?

MalKontent says it's only been a few hours.  I don't believe him.  I don't for a second.  The droop in his tails tells me more about our captivity than any words ever can.

I've been fighting to keep my spirits up.  I've been made to do all sorts of heinous acts since the violent change in leadership.  Check out this awesome baklava shaped like Serenity.  Square Enix announces they'll be adding fully-articulated yogurt to Final Fantasy XV, because it was easier to animate than women in real clothes.  28 Scenes in Star Wars that would have been improved with moussaka.  John Barrowman eating a gyro will blow your mind, and you won't believe what he does next.

I'm starting to become numb with terrible clickbait headlines, and the memory of what it was like to write upstanding pieces about geek culture seems ever farther, farther away.

It always smells like dolmas here.

I haven't seen Jarys in forever.  They seemed like the only chance we had of shaking off this yoke, of turning the tables on our clever corporate food truck oppressors.  I ducked into a hasty, clandestine meeting late after writing another "My Little Pony set to include Twilight Souvlaki in upcoming season" article and saw them in a poignant, fraternal sort of embrace with a certain gravity that made the loukaniko I'd been force-fed for lunch drop into the pit of my stomach.

I haven't seen Jarys since then.  I don't know what to think.

The rest of us move in a daze between assignments, never knowing what terrible headline or edict or lunch menu will be handed down next.  I don't know where my next meal is coming from...but I always seem to know its country of origin.  The office seems a stark shade of black and white, as though all the glorious colors of the Power Rangers figures on Mike's desk have faded from my vision.

I think I heard Mark and Thomas say they planned to sneak out and return with food.  Food without tzatziki or tahini.  I wish them fortune.

I'm far too scared to try it myself.

It always smells like dolmas here.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool's silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five! (You Are Here)
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight!

Update: Agent in the Field

There's been a bit of buzz in the Ace of Geeks break room about one of the editors going undercover inside the food truck. From what I've gathered, the mission is to take over the food truck and put an end to what some have been calling "the Souvlaki Invasion."

There have been reports coming in of disturbances across town. According to our correspondents and eyewitnesses at that scene, they say a war has erupted with Greek mayo-based sauces and dessert foods flying everywhere. People have been taking shelter in city parking garages and local Starbucks coffee shops.

Back here at the Ace of Geeks break room, I've noticed that the crowd around the potluck table has grown a bit. The line at the slow-cooker of chili is getting longer, and more food has appeared on the table - cookies, cakes, and pies along with liter bottles and six-packs of soda, as well as Chinese and Cajun dishes.

There appears to have been a chain of command established, as well - those in charge of the hot dishes are serving, and a whiteboard has appeared on the wall, with a map of the city tacked up to it. I recognized one of the staffers from the line at the food truck, and asked what made him come to the potluck instead. He said that he was sick of Baklava and wanted Lo Mein - "The soy sauce is strong with this one," he told me.

One blogger is at the whiteboard, outlining the plan to take down the food truck. It seems to involve converting it into a taco truck. A lot of people have expressed interest in this plan, with some bloggers offering their skills in mechanics and body work.Their main focus right now seems to be waiting for word from the operative in the field, and planning their attack strategy.

An announcement just came over the PA that the rebellion's mole has done his damage and is returning to base - we'll have more on that as it becomes available.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool's silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four! (You Are Here)
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight!

Operation: Golden Apple

When the Greek food started showing up, everyone started eyeballing me, like, just because my ancestors built the Acropolis means I can summon the pita of my people at any time. Racist! We Greek immigrants have many supernatural powers, but that is NOT one of them. Anyway, the dolmas were fantastic, just like my dad used to fix, but I could still taste the barely hidden mayonnaise of Corporate dominance. Only a Marketing Focus Group would put mayo in Dolmas. It is the flavor of coercion!

Six hours later, after a particularly bad Mouthoulakes binge (oh the honeyed goodness), I stormed into the editor's office, throwing the doors open before me in a gale of disturbed papers and maps.

Breaking news: Ace of Geeks under Food Truck Thrall?

An influx of amazingly delicious Greek food has been hitting desks throughout the offices of The Ace of Geeks. A new food truck has shown up outside, and has been delivering free food since this morning, when we broke back into our offices. Some have started to wonder about that, as everyone knows - there's no such thing as a free lunch. Our correspondent down on the street has been interviewing people all day, and some of the things they have been saying are very positive - most have recommended the gyros, although there are many more menu items that are available as well.

I'm a bit concerned about this, though. There seems to be an overabundance of staffing in this little food truck, and many of the Ace of Geeks blog staff have stopped complaining about eating at the crappyteria cafeteria. I am also suspicious of the copious amounts of manouri and kasseri cheeses, and gallons of tzatziki. There is also a faction of bloggers who are resisting the call of the gyro. They have been gathering around a table in the break room in a rebellious display of potluck. Included in their dishes are chili, beef stew, corned beef and cabbage, sushi, and fresh sashimi.

It would seem that the free deliveries and menu prices at the food truck are a little too good to be true, as many have opted to order lunch instead of bring it from home like they would usually do. I've been roaming the halls here all day, and I've already seen some animosity flare up between the potluckers and the food truck patrons - challenges like home-made peach cobbler versus bougatsa from the food truck.

Peach Cobbler 

VS

Bougatsa

We'll stay on top of this developing situation, and keep you informed of any changes.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool's silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One!
Part Two! (You are Here)
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight!

Personal Update: Weird Situation This Morning

Hey guys, you may have noticed some changes this morning, especially if you took a look at our main site. We don't normally do personal updates here, but this one felt important enough to start to fill you guys in. Last night, at about 10:30pm, a greek food truck parked outside our office door. We were pretty happy about that, to be honest - we don't really have the budget to hire food trucks.

We went down, and they were closed, and so we figured they'd be back in the morning and we all went home.

When we got back in the morning, the office was locked tight, and this was nailed to our door, Martin Luther style:

Yeah, I got no idea what that says. We managed to break back in to the office through our secret underground fighting arena, but we still are locked out of making any changes to the site or to the blog. Not sure what's going on, and we're examining our legal options. I'll keep you updated as we know more.

UPDATE: As you may have guessed, this was part of our April Fool's silliness yesterday. Go check out the rest of the story here:

Part One! (You Are Here)
Part Two!
Part Three!
Part Four!
Part Five!
Part Six!
Part Seven!
Part Eight!

DC Gives Wonder Woman Spikes, and Superman Bloody Hands

DC announced some major changes to the costumes of two of their major characters today, and they're...well, they're pretty on point for how DC has been, the last few years. As you can see above, Wonder Woman finally gets a costume that isn't a swimsuit - but it's a weird clash of colors, with giant shoulder pads,  and she now has Wolverine-ish blades coming out of her arms in a twist that screams mid-nineties. Meanwhile. Superman has decided to wear Kon-El's old outfit, because they wanted to make cosplaying as him easier I guess? And, of course, he's got his hands wrapped in bloody wrappings while blood drips on the floor all around him. Because if there's one thing Superman stands for, it's punching people until they bleed.

God damn it, DC.

A New Twist on Old Classics: William Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily A New Hope

     If there was any greater mash up of two great mediums, I'm not sure that I could think it. I love Shakespeare's plays, particularly his histories. The Bard was a master at capturing the essence of humanity and distilling it into words. George Lucas' original trilogy of Star Wars films achieved similar feats to Shakespeare's works for the modern audience. So how could a Shakespearean version of the original trilogy not be something amazing? It is my great joy to proclaim from my digital soap box, that William Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily a New Hope is a masterpiece, a smash, a blending of modern and past fiction on which the mind feasts on sheer geeky pleasure!

     I first came across this book while killing time in my local Barnes & Noble some time last fall. I browsed its and was amused finding that Ian Doescher was very respectful in his treatment of both source materials, creating a near seamless blending of Shakespeare's language and technique along with the story for my favorite of the original trilogy A New Hope. I put the book down, thinking that I might purchase it eventually. Fast forward to the new year and an outstanding balance in my Itunes gift card, I searched and found that Doescher's work was converted to an audiobook. "Zounds" I cried and could not click purchase fast enough! What I found was a work of acting excellence with a small cast of actors who brought to life a book and doubled my enjoyment.

The Cast:
     The performance of this audiobook, as befitting the blending of Shakespeare and Star Wars, is done by five people rather than one. The cast includes Daniel Davis, Johnathan Davis, Marc Thompson, Ian Doescher, and January LaVoy.  All of the actors, with the exception of the author Ian Doescher, have previous experience in narrating other Star Wars audiobooks. I was particularly happy to see that Marc Thompson was part of the cast, as I enjoyed his work in the recording of Mercy Kill, a continuation of the Wraith Squadron series. Each of the actors adds a unique twist on each of the characters they read for, adding depth and feeling to words where there might not be otherwise. Honestly this is the only way to enjoy this mash up as plays are truly meant to be heard or watched.

The Story:
     So as one would expect, this follows the normal narrative of Star Wars: A New Hope, the twist coming with the addition of Shakespearean language and added prose to the telling. In this story alone I caught lines and soliloquies from Richard III, Henry V, and Hamlet. Furthermore, there seems to be a very Puckish bent to the development of R2D2's character. While around other characters he acts as he normally would ,speaking in nothing more than beeps and squeaks, R2 is granted asides where he might speak his mind and enlighten the audience to his true thoughts and his mischievous nature. Ian Doescher also included the stage directions, which add an extra layer of reality to the audiobook. Those who are familiar with the the theater or the works of Shakespeare, know that stage directions are an important part of any play. Having January LaVoy read them helps to set the stage setting in the mind of the listener, as the stage directions announce which characters are on stage and general positioning. The stage directions also help to move the story along and describe any actions that are not visible. The inclusion of sound effects and a "chorus" also helps to set scenes and fill in action events that would normally be seen by the audience on the stage. Upon my first listening, I found that I could see the film in my mind while hearing new audio. I do not, repeat do not, recommend trying to drive and listen to this audiobook at the same time. Sheer enjoyment and hilarity may lead to distraction and possible dangerous driving.

Finale
     I am no wordsmith so I shall be brief, buy this audiobook and then go get the rest of them. If you are a fan of Star Wars or Shakespeare this piece of theater is for you! Worry not fair readers, for a review of the next chapter The Empire Striketh Back will soon follow with haste upon the heels of this article.

David is a local historian, techie, home brewer, stage hand, and geek. He loves Star Wars and Shakespeare with equal passions and is prone to quoting it at random!

Did you enjoy this article? Follow us on Facebook to get more great content! We have a weekly podcast you can find on our main site. Also follow us on Twitter and Tumblr! 

New York Comic Con Report!

New York Comic Con, held every year at The Jacob Javits Center and ran by ReedPop,  is runwith a skeleton crew of 40 blue shirt volunteers (sounds like a joke from Star Trek) risking life and limb to give us the best four days of comics, movies, tv shows and geek entertainment possible. With crowds of 150,000 on Thursday and reaching upwards of record breaking 250,000 (beating numbers at San Diego Comic Con!) on the highlight day, Saturday, this year’s show was the best yet in relation to organization, guests, panels and quality. However, it had a rocky start, with unprecedented ticket sales that were sold out in under 30 minutes online and at retailers. People were calling in every favor possible to score their passes.

So How Bad Was the New Ninja Turtles?

A few weeks ago, the geek world fell into despair. Guardians of the Galaxy, far and away the best movie of the summer, had been beaten in its second weekend by a movie everyone had been dreading - the Michael Bay-produced adaptation of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. And with good reason - everything we'd seen in the trailers showed us a bland, humorless world of Bayformers style explosions and giant robots.

This weekend, given two hours or so to see a movie and not able to see Guardians for the fourth time, I finally gave in a purchased a ticket to Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Was it bad? Was it really bad? Was it Revenge of the Fallen bad? All these questions and more will be answered, as you read on.

Devil’s Advocate: Why you should be excited for Saints Row IV’s latest expansion, the series itself, and almost offensively large article titles

As you may or may not have heard, Gat’s back and the Saints are rollin’. That is to say, Saints Row IV has announced an addition in the form of Gat Out Of Hell, a full-fledged expansion pack to the game. So why should you care? Why does this matter? Why are we even dedicating an article to this? Simple.

The Saints Row franchise is gaming in its purest, most perfect form.

Gaming, over the years and decades, has become a more complicated affair. Triple-A titles, as a result, work to meet the expectations of the changing market. They have to appeal to the masses but also have artistic merit. They have to be deep and replayable, yet publicly accessible. They have to constantly innovate without losing touch of what made them big in the first place.

And this dialogue is good! It’s excellent! It has created a situation where we get games that challenge what games are like Gone Home. We get games that discuss complicated suggests like the American Dream in Grand Theft Auto IV. The series known as Borderlands strives to create whole new genres of gaming like the FPSRPG (which is a great Scrabble option, by the way). As these games come out, they are each incredible in their own ways. With their own things to say about the art form.

Saints Row is, in this regard, no different. What does set it apart, however, is that it asks, with sincerity, an entirely separate question: Remember when games used to be about having fun? And it’s a fair question. As much as Gone Home touched me with its story or G.T.A.’s cynical world view had me thinking, these weren’t exactly “Big, sloppy grin” inducing affairs. They were, to be sure, trying to be about something. Saints Row, conversely, is about doing whatever it takes to make the player smile. No exceptions. Want a power fantasy? Here, now you can fly and use super speed. Want cool weapon? Here’s a rocket launch and a baseball bat. Want a character that looks like you? Here’s a ridiculously deep character creator, complete with three genders (Male, Female, Nolan North).

This is wonderful! Every moment makes you smile, every joke makes you laugh, and every single moment is a greater power fantasy than the last.

Pictured: Twerking Grannies. Not Pictured: A coming of age story that challenges what it means to be human in an age of cynicsm.

While it may be accurate to say that “Saints Row IV is just fun”, it’s selling short a franchise that is a commentary on the industry in general. Throughout the game are woven slight, subtle, but definite digs at trends in gaming. A good example would be the game’s so-called Romance System. In Saints Row IV, you can fall in love with most of the rest of the cast, regardless of your gender. The thing is, the romance system is intentionally lacking. You simply approach a character, ask them if they want to “bang”, and they will almost immediately agree. You are then congratulated on successfully romancing the character. While this seems goofy in itself, it’s also a marvelous satirical send-up of Bioware’s romance systems. After all, for everything right Bioware does, it’s hard to dispute that in games like Mass Effect 2, romance consists of pressing the Paragon button over and over again you have sex for the first time and are informed this counts as “Romance”. Examples of this kind of subversion and commentary are peppered throughout the game in the most triumphant way.

Other games may call this a power fantasy, but "All Mighty Ice Deity" is pretty low level 'round these here parts

In other words, the Saints Row series is not only about having fun, but about challenging the shortcoming of other games’ missteps. In this way, it is an accompaniment to other games. A palette cleanser or dessert. It encourages us to get in touch with just doing crazy, ridiculous stuff and to ask ourselves whether games that are “more serious” are actually all that better.

Perhaps the best summation of the entire franchise is in the trailer for Gat Out of Hell itself. Right here in the trailer, Gat speaks to a mysterious citizen of Hell.

Gat: “I’m gonna shoot the devil in the face.”
Citizen: “It’s a little more complicated than that.”
Gat: “Nah, I said ‘In the Face’.”

This is followed up shortly by Gat acting exactly as promised. “Hey, Satan.” *BANG*

And sometimes, it’s nice to get back to that kind of wish fulfillment and wacky power fantasy.

- Ben Worley-

P.S. Also there’s a gun that allows you to play music so loud and bumpin’ that all nearby challenges are forced to twerk. And that is awesome.

Ben Worley is an unpaid social media shill for several games and properties, but Saint's Row is not one of them. He writes an article for this website when the mood takes him, like a fine wine in summer.

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